I don’t know how to write accents, so please forgive me, and simply enjoy, if that is possible. Sorry, i know it sucks… just bear with it *rolleyes*
After Alice had thoroughly investigated the considerable Nothing that she found herself in, she quickly realized that the Nothing was punctuated with the regular patter of very small feet and what seemed to be a couple of very peculiar voices.
“Aye, but now, ‘ow does won gae about losin’ a peach?”
At this slightly, Alice thought, absurd question, another more pompous and commandeering voice replied.
“Well, it was during the Great Jam War of 35 that i did just such a thing. First, i twisted around a caravan, rolled under a hedge, crawled, doubling back, and sloshed through a river before eventually finding myself five miles away and no sign of the blasted peach anywhere.”
“No, no, no,” another accent replied. “What ya do, see, is ya take her to the county dance and while she is admirin’ the lights and dances and such, you take another gal back behind da shed and make with the snogging….”, a wistful, regret deadened quality enters his speech, as though fighting back a rush of emotion. “Right, well, i damned well lost her, and what a peach, that doll.”
At this, of course, Alice had grown mightily confused, not quite sure how a peach could be a doll, her thoughts naturally following that one would get quite sticky if one tried to play with it, nevermind if one got peckish.
Meanwhile, the voices grew closer, jibing the one who had spoke about the peach doll, when the third spoke up, with a sharp SMACK, a loud “OW! What was that for??” , the one who had asked the original question replied:
“No you twits! You want to lose a peach, you drop et inna peach orchard! Morons, the lot of you…” the voice degenerated into vague mumbles.
“Well then, ‘ow’s this: How d’you get a cold duck?” the second asked.
“You beat it over the ‘ead with a large stick!” the third replied, sounding very triumphant.
“You dump sum ice awn et!” the first said.
“No you fools…”
At this point, Alice realized that the voices were practiaclly on top of her, echoing in the Nothingness with resounding peals. Looking around frantically, she realised that there was no where for her to hide. Setting her jaw, she took a stance, determined to face and fight such neanderthals that would consider beating a duck for no good reason (ducks did NOT have an entry in the Encyclopedia of Mean and Furry Things, being neither mean, nor furry for that matter).
Still talking amongst themselves, the three echoed as though all around her, then, abruptly, they were behind her. A little bewildered and befuddled (beings that tended to buzz around the eyes and ears for the sole purpose of confusing a poor soul, they feature prominently in Alice’s tale) Alice looked around her, probing the Nothing (which it should be mentioned, is very ticklish, and should only be probed when absolutely necessary, provided one doesn’t want to end up tossed about like a piece of jello) for the source of the voices, finally, and very cautiously whispering “h-hello?”
Screams buffeted her poor ears as the three beings, so startled to hear another’s voice, started scurrying around, anxiously trying to hide, but only succeeding in landing themselves in a quivering heap in front of Alice’s left foot.
“M-mice?” Letting out a loud, slightly giddy sigh, she bends low, looking them over.
“HURRICANE!!!!” one of the Mice screamed, his voice still echoing in a resounding squeak in the Nothing surrounding them.
Picking up one of the Mice, she tried to reassure it, only succeeding in stopping it’s shakes when she held it up to her eye and held her breath.
Seeing the crown on her head, the Mouse jumped up and bowed low.
“Your Majesty! Ehh…um… well, who are you, exactly?” The mouse blinked and looked her over, realizing that this was either a very large, overgrown rat, or a dragon, with it’s fierce breath.
The simple Question struck her hard across the mouth, gave her a scornful look and marched out into the Nothing fearlessly.
Sputtering a little, Alice suddenly realized that she couldn’t answer, anymore than she could get the Prince-essly crown off her head…